You were not put on this earth to give more than you have. You are not here to be the energy source for a narcissist, a manipulator, a predator, or anyone who is not willing to take responsibility for their own life.
As an embodied leader, your healing gifts are meant for those who are willing to be open and curious, people who are ready to take responsibility for their healing and their growth. It's not your job to convince, nor to take responsibility for others' wellbeing.
There is a miss-conception in spiritual circles that extending loving-kindness means to give all we have, to care for everyone or anyone who comes our way. And to stay in life-sucking and depleting (sometimes abusing) situations. We envision Jesus holding everyone in his loving heart no matter what, but what we forget is that in order to do that, he went into the desert and did the inner work and recognized the preciousness of his own being as god. Giving without boundaries neglects the god within, which is our essence. It disregards the fact that our being is the sacred temple for the Divine source of love. And when that source is not well, its creation, meaning you and the people around you, can't be well. You can't take care of the beings within the creation of source when your own source is not protected and nurtured.
Divine Love is not the same as Human Love. Divine love has no opposites, it includes all, and considers the good of all beings. When you pull away from a situation that is damaging to your heart, when you put up boundaries to keep yourself grounded, emotionally safe, energized and healthy within, it might, on the human love level, look like you are not loving toward others. But on the divine love level, you love in a way that considers the actual wellbeing of the souls of others. Remember, as within so without. Therefore, the boundaries you place for yourself are incredibly loving for others. The intelligence in loving this way can't always be seen on the human level or perceived with the intellect. But there is a knowing within that this is the loving thing to do. Trusting this knowing and acting on it is our path, our responsibility. No one else can set these boundaries for us.
I like the story of Siddhartha Gautama as a metaphor for this. Before he became the Buddha, Siddharta left his wife, his son, his father and his step-mother to go find answers to the big questions in his heart. Some might have thought that was selfish, letting go of his responsibilities as a leader, a father, a husband. But the impulse of divine love inside was too great. He probably couldn't see the full outcome of this decision, but had to trust this knowing. After he sat under the tree and awoke to his true nature as the enlightened one, he came back to visit his home. From the different accounts I have read, although his family was happy to see him, he was no longer the son, the husband, nor the father. He couldn't fill those roles anymore. The relationships went beyond the human understanding of love and what is expected. On the human love level, this might appear as selfish, self-centred, but on the divine love level, his family was loved in the greatest way possible. His love included everyone, and its impact has reverberated throughout history as one that heals, transforms, and awakens. Whether it was perceived it as such wasn't his responsibility. His responsibility was to stay true to his heart, the heart of god, who he knew himself to be.
We are all Siddhartha. This kind of coming back to the world after going deep inside is a sacred process. If we see it not so much as a separation from others or a pulling away, but more as a merging within to merge without in a more grounded and clear way, we can recognize the god in everyone and see the sameness we all share. And boundaries are the way there 💛
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