Life is on your side

My body forgets quickly that life is on my side. Even after years of healing, my animal suit tries to protect me from disappointment by attempting to control outcomes. It wasn’t safe to be opened and soft as a child. And if I was, if my guards were down, then my environment would remind me quickly to shut it down. Often the reminder would come as a surprise, out of left field, catching me vulnerable, reinforcing the need for more protection, more layers.

Sometimes, everything outside of me proves true my conditioned belief that life is not on my side; I am the only one on my side. When my heart is closed, and my fire is kept neatly at bay below my diagram, with shallow breaths and business, of course, the reality I project is one of disappointment, of compromise, and of smallness.

And if I stay like this for a while, my inner world starts to crumble too. It’s harder to meditate, harder to breathe deeply, and my health suffers. Opportunities for a return to wellness seem...

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