Anne's Blog

Comfort In Chaos

We often find comfort in conflict. Intensity and contrast are all around us, all the time, especially these days with everything happening around the world. For many of us, conflict has become our default setting. And when it goes on too long, we come to a place where we feel more comfortable in the chaos of an argument or a dramatic piece of news than we do in the stillness of our own being.
 
Often we pride ourselves on how much we can handle. Our backs are strong, people can lean on us. The more problems to solve and the more crisis to manage, the better. We take it on not necessarily because we want to, but mostly out of habit and because we can. We often hold the limited belief, “I should because I can.” And when chaos outside settles, we realize we have forgotten how to thrive without it. Our subconscious seeks the familiarity of chaos.
 
I know this about me. I can push my limits quite far until I can't anymore. I can ignore my desire for stillness...
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Boundaries Are Loving

Many of us who grew up learning to please in order to belong and to be seen. That was how love was modeled. We have this twisted belief that boundaries are unkind, unsafe, restrictive, not loving, and not generous. What we weren’t told is that without healthy boundaries we wither, dry out, shrivel and disappear. Not to be dramatic but many of us will give what we don’t have trying to fill a hole in others that can’t be filled until we reach the end of our precious supply and die. I see it all the time. The fear of losing “love” is so strong that disappearing is more appealing. But no one benefits from you leaving. What we need is your light. And for that you have to protect it, fiercely.

If you have kids you know you wouldn’t let them deplete their resources with a person that sucks life out of people. You wouldn’t. You would protect them from the predator with all that you’ve got until they learn to do it on their own. We have to do...

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